


Saudade

by Scatterbrain_Emporium



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:23:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scatterbrain_Emporium/pseuds/Scatterbrain_Emporium
Summary: [souˈdädə]  nounA nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been love and then lost. “ The love that remains”.
Relationships: Kim Youngjo | Ravn/Lee Seoho
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Saudade

He woke up to an aching pain in his limbs.

It slowly crept into his dreamless sleep until he was unable to ignore it anymore, fluttering his eyes open as he gained consciousness of his surroundings.

He blinked a few times to remove the foggy veil of sleep covering his eyes, lazily focusing on the large window facing him.

The venetian blinds were only half opened, creating vertical light patterns that stretched onto the pale hardwood floor all the way to the bed. The white translucent curtains that have been pulled on top fluttered in the soft breeze, carrying with them the faint sound of the outside world.

Moving his eyes away from the window, he trailed them over to the nightstand where the digital alarm clock read 9:25 AM.

Finally feeling a bit more awake, he pushed himself up on his elbow, noticing the pair of glasses next to the alarm.

He reached out for them, the thin metal frame sitting lightly in his hands as he unfold the branches and put them on automatically.

The room around him suddenly came into focus as he sat up completely and glanced around.

Everything seemed so bare.

It felt foreign yet familiar as he trailed his eyes over the cozy looking armchair by the window, moving to the large dresser on the opposite wall, a large colourful and abstract painting nailed above it.

Everything was immaculately clean and in order.

Outside of the wrinkled bed where he was sitting, the room felt inhabited. Lifeless.

He trailed his hands absently on the thick white comforter, a shiver running down his spine now that it was not covering him.

The air was crisp in the bedroom, cold but not freezing, and he absently thought that it felt like a nice autumn morning and that made him feel a wave of sadness crash over him for a second as he looked back toward the window.

Shaking his head to get the feeling off, he pushed the heavy comforter off himself and swung his legs out, his bright pyjama pants contrasting instantly with the white minimalist look of the room.

He wiggled his toes in the plush grey carpet underneath him for a moment before pushing himself up and wincing at the pain that shot up in his left knee, making him freeze mid standing up.

That’s where the pain that had woke him up was coming from.

Taking a deep breath, he stretched upright completely, putting some weight on his leg to test it out. 

Only a dull pain remained.

He wobbled his way to the door closest to him, pushing it opened to reveal the en suite bathroom. Flipping on the light, he was greeted by his reflection in the large mirror.

The first thing he noticed was the messy bleached blond hair, standing up in every direction possible and the dark roots starting to peak out from his scalp. He was definitely due for a touch up soon.

He trailed his eyes over his figure, taking in the loose t-shirt he was wearing and how small it made him look.

He leaned forward on the counter, observing his face from up close under the light, poking at his cheekbones.

Just like the room, his own face felt foreign yet familiar to him.

It was a strange feeling. He felt numb in someway, as if he was there but not really at the same time. As if he was on auto-pilot.

Sighing, he pushed back from the counter and went to use the toilet, avoiding his reflection this time as he washed his hand and exited the room.

He stood still for a moment in the middle of the bedroom, unsure of what to do.

He glanced at the other door and back to the bed, debating if he wanted to curl back into the comfort of the soft blankets, feeling exhausted even if he had just woken up when his stomach growled, ultimately making the decision for him.

The floor was cold under his feet as he shuffled his way out, wincing at the bright light that greeted him as soon as he stepped out of the bedroom.

Once his eyes adjusted to the change of lighting,he could see the large windows covering the whole wall from ceiling to floor in front of him. It gave a panoramic view of the city below them, the sun shining brightly between the skyscrapers and illuminating the large living room area.

Just like the bedroom, the room was very minimalist. The large cement columns and pipes running around the ceiling gave an industrial and modern flare to the apartment. The gigantic white couch was facing the windows, throning against the opposite wall where a collection of framed vinyls were mounted above it.

He licked and bit his lips as he played with the hem of his loose white shirt, suddenly feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

He had no idea where he was.

“ Seoho?”

The sudden voice made him jumped, turning around quickly to see another man standing there.

His hands gripped at his shirt tighter, unsure of what to do or say. He felt lost and small as he alternated between glancing at the man and looking down at the floor.

At first glance the man seemed fairly young. And handsome his brain supplied absently. 

He seemed taller than him with a nicely build frame, large sturdy shoulders and toned arms on display with the black tank top he was wearing. His dark brown hair framed his face perfectly, eyes intense but with a soft edge to them.

“ Morning…”

The man took a step forward and instinctually, he took one back, heartbeat speeding up.

He could have sworn he saw a glint of hurt in the other’s eyes before it quickly vanished. The man lifted his hands up, trying to appear as none threatening as possible.

  
  
“ No,no it’s ok… It’s ok I’m not gonna hurt you…”

His voice held something akin to desperation as he spoke, soft and low with a warm tone to it. Strangely, he felt a little bit more at easy by hearing it, his initial fear settling down.

“ Who- Who are you…?”

His own voice surprised him, the slight saver of it not going unnoticed.

Hesitating, the other man put one foot forward and took another step closer, gaging his expression as he still held his hands up. Just like you would do with a skittish animal.

When he saw he wasn’t moving back again, he took a few more steps toward him, stopping at a respectful distance still as to not crowded in on him.

“I’m Youngjo…”

He gave him a small smile, waving one of the hand that was already up.

“ And this is my place…”

Looking back around to the large living area, he frowned as he started playing with his shirt again.

There was a large piano nested near the windows that he didn’t noticed at first, the black of it now a stark contrast to the white and immaculate look of the room.

His heartbeat picked up again, a strange feeling he couldn’t quite put his finger on settling over him. It crawled his way up from his chest to lodge itself into his throat, suffocating him.

Tears prickled his eyes as he looked down to the floor, unable to express how overwhelmed he felt.

“Hey…”

He turned around again, locking eyes with the taller man.

“Who am I?”

—————————-------------------------------

His name was Lee Seoho. 

He was born on June 7th, 1996.He was 25 years old.

He disliked mint and ginger, but adored fruit cakes. He wasn’t a fan of coffee either, unless it was sweetened with something or someone else made it for him. 

These were all information he should know about himself. Basic knowledge everyone should have of their own life.

But he didn’t.

Or rather he didn’t remember any of it.

Now sitting at the large kitchen island, a cup of warm coffee cradled between his hands, Seoho tried to wrap his head around everything.

The coffee, more milk and sugar than anything else at this point from the way he’d seen Youngjo prepared it, was still untouched, but a comforting and grounding presence. Giving him something to play with as he anxiously sat there.

He knew the other man, sitting on the other side of the counter with his own cup of black coffee, was watching him. He could feel his eyes on him, trying to gage and analyze his expression.

Seoho himself wasn’t too sure what his face was doing at the moment.

“ And… And you said it’s called what?”

There was a moment of silence, making him look up at the taller man.

Kim Youngjo he’d introduce himself as.

He was one year older than him and they were friends. Had been friends for a long time apparently.

He couldn’t remember that either.

“ The doctor said it was a form of Anterograde and Retrograde Amnesia. Your brain can’t recognize and register new information that are happening past the accident… So every night when you go to sleep your brain erase what it seen the day before and you wake up to a blank slate…As if nothing ever happened… And lucky for you, you also don’t remember what happened prior to the accident…”

The accident.

It had been mentioned briefly, discarded as quickly by the other man.

All he knew was that he’d been in a car accident and it was a miracle he was still alive today. He could tell the mentioned of it was upsetting to the brunet, so he didn’t push more on it.

Wasn’t sure himself he wanted to know about it.

It did explain the pain he felt in his knee and body when he woke up however.

Running a hand through his hair, Youngjo looked out the window for a second as he seemed to gather his thoughts.

“ You remember motions and places, you know what common items and things are… Your memory loss is mainly concentrated towards people and their relation to you. You don’t remember faces and how they connect to you anymore…”

He glanced back at him, giving him a sad smile as he leaned his cheek on his hand, elbow resting on the counter.

“ I’m sorry…”

Youngjo tilted his head, frowning with confusion.

“ Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault.”

He licked his lips, looking down at his mug for a second before his eyes were back on the other man. 

He felt lost. Utterly lost.

“ I’m sorry you have to repeat this to me every day… That you have to go through it with me every time…I’m sorry you have to take care of me- Why are you even taking care of me? Don’t you have a life, a job- I mean -“

He stopped himself for a moment, feeling the tears tingling his eyes again as he tried to blink them away. It was so unfair.

“ It’s unfair to you… Don’t I have a family? I’m just burdening you-“

The brunet’s huff interrupted him, making him peek up.

“ You say that every day…”

Youngjo got up from his seat, walking around the counter to come and stand next to him. He gently pried his hands away from the cup, taking them in his.

They were so warm. Larger than his and surprisingly soft. It felt nice.

“And every day I tell you I chose to take care of you. I chose to do it and I don’t regret it ok?”

He squeezed his hands gently, smiling at him.

“ Plus, your family lives far and the doctors said a familiar environment might be better for you to help you remember stuff. You haven’t been home in years, so the best option was you living with me… And I work from home 90% of the time, so I can check in on you.”

Looking into his eyes, Seoho got choked up again when he saw nothing but genuine sincerity in those brown orbs.

After a moment he couldn’t keep up with the intensity of his stare, lowering his eyes to the counter.

  
  
“ Still…”

“ Hey, you don’t remember it right now, but we made a promise that we would look out for each other, so I’m holding on to my end of the bargain. You’re stubborn, but I can be pretty stubborn too when I want to. Let me just do this ok? You helped me a lot in the past so let me do this…”

What else could he say after that really?

There was nothing, so he simply nodded.

That made the older man smiled wider, squeezing his hand one more time before letting go.

“ Good! Now that we’ve established this, how about we go out for Brunch? It’s Sunday and I’m not working. We can go get some grocery after, we running low on…”

He glanced at the ever growing list of things he’d scribbled on the fridge’s notepad.

“ Yeah well, pretty much everything… If we don’t wanna end up having ketchup for dinner we should get some necessities. What you say?”

He bit his bottom lip, thinking about it.

A part of him wanted to stay inside and curled up on the couch alone, trying to process everything he’d just heard. Another part of him wanted to go out and get a distraction from the thoughts he could feel coming.

He glanced out at the windows, seeing the sun shining through.

It was a really nice day outside.

“Ok… Yeah we can get brunch…”

He saw the surprised in the other man’s eyes for a second before his smile took over and he moved away.

“ Great! Let’s get ready then!”

\----------------------------------------

They got ready quickly after that, Youngjo showing him where all his clothes and shoes were stored.

He’d been surprised, and flabbergasted, at first to see the humongous walk-in, shoes of all kind neatly placed on shelves as the clothes were organized by categories all around him.  Sensing his shock, the other man had quickly stated that he ended up stealing his clothes all the time, so he’d combine everything in one.

He giggled when Youngjo staged whispered to him it was an excuse for him to get an extravagant closet like he'd always wanted. He believed him.

Moving past his wonder, he’d look around the shelves, his eyes lashing onto a soft looking greyish purple sweater. He trailed his fingers over the soft worn out fabric, deciding he liked it instantly. With his back to Youngjo, he didn’t see the look on his face as he went on to look for pants.

In the end, he’d worn the sweater with a regular pair of jeans and sneakers, putting on a beanie and a coat that the other man handed him as they left the apartment.

They’d made their way to a small restaurant a few blocks over, getting a table almost right away as a waitress greeted them warmly and handed them a menu.

“ Seoho! Hello! I see you got him to come have brunch with you today!”

Youngjo nodded as he smiled back at her, not even looking at the menu as he placed it away.

“ He couldn’t resist my charm today.”

She laughed as she turned to him.

“ You guys would come here all the time, we couldn’t get rid of you. We used to hangout too sometimes.”

He nodded, unsure of what to say or do as he looked down at the table. The place was fairly crowded as it was the weekend, and he was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation. A feeling of guilt dripped down his throat at not remembering who she was as the seemed fairly close.

She lost a bit of her smile as she glanced back at the older man and brought his eyes back to him.

“ Hey, it’s alright! No need for the sad eyes! Now, do you want a moment to look at the menu or are your adventurous and you wanna try your usual?”

Looking up from his hands who were playing nervously with the menu, he peeked at the both of them.

“ Why adventurous? Is it something weird?”

“ Oh Darling, let’s say you have questionable tastes to put it nicely.”

He bit his lips, thinking about it for a moment before nodding to her. If he liked it in the past he probably would like it now no?

  
  
“ I’ll take the usual then…”

It seemed to have been the right thing to say as both of them smiled at him.

“ Sounds goods! Coming right up!”

The rest of their brunch was fairly uneventful after that. He actually really enjoyed what previous him would order and finished it up happily while Youngjo was picking at his own place, telling him about various things.

Seoho learned that the other man as a music producer, a fairly successful one he would say based on the apartment they shared, and that they used to work together before his accident.

“ So I was producing too?”

He tried to think about a songs, anything that would pop in his mind, but he came back empty. Nothing at all came to him except for one childhood lullaby.

“Something like that. Hey you wanna take a walk before we hit the grocery store? I’m feeling stuffed!”

Youngjo stretched one arm above his head, rubbing his belly as he smiled at him. He smiled back instantly.

Cute, he thought .

The other man ended up paying, and as they walked out their waitress from earlier on waved at them, smiling. He waved back shyly as the brunet opened the door for him to step out.

They walked around for a bit, aiming for nowhere specifically. 

Youngjo placed a hand on his lower back or arm when it got too crowded and he silently appreciated the support, smiling up at the taller man each time.

An hour or so later, they ended up in front of the grocery store, going in and picking up a cart. Since he couldn’t even say what he liked he just let the other picked our random things from the various sections, pushing the cart along.

“ I forgot the list on the fridge!”

The brunet turned to him, eyes wide as he suddenly had his moment of realization. Seoho couldn’t help but giggled at his expression, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth.

“ Oh you think it’s funny do you?”

  
  
“ You’re funny! You’re a drama queen Kim Youngjo.”

The older instantly soften, smiling at him as he ran a hand in his hair as he shook his head.

“ I guess even with amnesia, some things don't change…”

With a smile still on, he tugged the cart forward, almost making the shorter man lose his balance as he kept on going. Seoho watched his back for a moment before following him.

————————————————-----

They made it back to the apartment some times later, having stop for an iced drink on the way back. The older getting an iced Americano while he got himself a hot chocolate. Together they put everything away, and Youngjo was now proudly looking at what he had bought and the list he had made.

  
  
“ I almost got everything! This is definitely a win!”

The blonde laughed as he sat at the counter, finishing up his drink.

“ Almost doesn’t mean everything though, we’ll have to go back.”

The other shushed him, and they bickered for a little bit without any real heat to it.

It felt nice. It felt natural and familiar and Seoho for a moment forgot that a few hours earlier he didn’t even know his own name.

They ended up on the couch with some snacks as they marathoned a few movies Youngjo said he loved and he had the chance to rediscover the magic of them. He wasn’t sure he would qualify that as lucky, but he didn’t voice his thought outlaid, simply sitting back and enjoying what the other man had decided they were watching.

And he was hooked.

They stopped at the fourth movie to make dinner and light up some lamps around the apartment. The sun had settled down almost completely and the large windows were only showing back the city lights, casting everything in the semi shadow of the oncoming night.

The brunet made some noodles as he helped prep some veggies, working well and efficiently together to have their dinner ready in no time. Seoho quickly cleaned up the dishes while the other finished up, bringing everything to the living room with some water.

He followed him once he dried out his hands, sitting down and picking up his own bowl to eat.

They made it through two other movies, dinner long finished and the empty plates in front of them on the lower table, as they sat close together under the same blanket before Seoho started to yawn and feel tired.

He’d let his head rest on Youngjo’s shoulder you didn’t push him away, so he assumed it was okay to do so.

When the third movie ended, the older shifted and sat up, stretching his arms with a satisfying pop. He turned his head to look at Seoho, giving him a smile.

“ You look tired… You should go to bed.”

And with that sentence, everything came back to him.

He won’t remember laughing together at the supermarket and in the kitchen, or walking around in the fresh early autumn weather. He wouldn’t remember anything tomorrow of this day. He won’t rememberhis name, his age, his best friend and the way his eyes were so soft and warm.

He’ll be back to a blank slate again.

“ I’m not tired.”

  
  
He managed to croak out, and by the look Youngjo was giving him, he’d caught on to his thoughts. The brunet moved closer, wrapping his arms around him as he brought him in for a tight hug.

“ It’s ok, I’ll be there tomorrow morning to welcome you back…”

He gently rubbed his back, resting his cheek against the top of Seoho’s head.

“ I’ll be right there, always.”

He wanted to believe that so badly.

They stayed like that for a while, just resting against each other as Youngjo comforted him, running his large warm hand up and down his back. he basked in it, enjoying the moment and trying to forget about anything else.

Finally, the brunet pulled them up, shuffling them to the bedroom and getting him into a set of pyjamas. While he went to change, Seoho brushed his teeth and washed his face, avoiding his own reflection in the mirror.

When he was done, he closed the light and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Youngjo came back moments later, wearing a loose black shirt and some plaid pants. He shuffled his bare feet in his direction, stopping in front of him.

They looked at each other for a moment.

Seoho saw so many emotions flashing into the other man’s eyes, he couldn’t keep track of all of them.

In the end, the taller man was the one who broke their eye contact, leaning down and kissing the top of his head.

“ Good night…”

He stayed hunched over him for a moment more before straightening upand walking toward the door.

“ Youngjo…”

He stopped when he had almost reached the threshold, turning around to look at the blond and cocking his head in a silent question.

“ Meet you again tomorrow…”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> Please know that I have absolutely no professional knowledge on how this all works, and for the sake of fiction we all gonna agree that it makes sense XD
> 
> The apartment is based and inspired by this AIRBNB I found online called " Dwyane's luxury house" in Seoul. You guys can check it out to have a visual of the Kitchen and Living room!
> 
> It's an overused trope, but ONEUS didn't have one ( at least that I was aware of), and it's one of my favourite so I JUST HAD TO DO IT. And of course I had to make my favourites suffer :)
> 
> Please let me know if you like it!
> 
> Also you can come and scream at me or just chat about anything on my twitter :
> 
> [TWT](https://twitter.com/alextopia1)


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